Audi For Sale – Dude Not Included

This immaculately sculpted 2005 Audi Allroad Quattro is a meaty plate of majestic liger super-strength smothered in an orgy of Paul Walker inferno-infused man juice.


A beast amongst boys: The 2005 Audi Allroad Quattro


An archetypal rhapsody of savory German panache, this 2.7 twin-turbo engine makes Nancy Reagan moist where it counts. With a maximum ground clearance of 8.2 inches and 258 ft-lbs of torque, this beast is ready to pound out the roughest terrain.

Underpinning this classically detailed all-leather lady-slayer is a Quattro IV all-wheel-drive system that features a unique electro hydraulically controlled torque-distribution system that redirects traction to where it’s needed most – aka. “positraction” which Marisa Tomei, the tagliatelle of saucy Sicilian succulence, agrees is undeniably hot…

With its metro-stylish walnut veneer dash and two-tone leather seating, this Starship inspired interior is sure to blow the curtains off every princess in the galaxy. Face it. You need this car the way Luke needed a handy from his sister.

Screen Shot 2015-02-02 at 9.46.21 PM

Yeah dog, interstellar incest never felt so good!



$11,000 Skywalker-Firm.

Excellent condition. All leather. 72,000 easy-going star-miles. Moonroof. Six disk CD changer with a free Steve Winwood mix thrown in. Six speaker Bose premium sound system. Super-tinted peak-a-boo drug-dealer windows. One set fancy Thule bars. One Soprano’s extra-long-dead-body-sized rocket box. Four new tires.

Call Morris today at Darkside Motors: 307.690.8120

PS  – Yeah, seriously. This shit’s for sale and posted on Craiglist:

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