I know. You don’t have time for this horseshit. You don’t want to deal with this bullshit – and you certainly don’t want to waste your day fighting ideas and sentiments that deserved to die a miserable death long ago.
I get it. I want to drink beer, ski, climb, make art, watch football and have sex. I want to be happy. Live life. Go about my day and pretend it’s o.k., but it’s not…
Instead my head is exploding and my heart is bleeding because I’m an American forged from democratic values, raised to believe that all men are created equal and endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights – and today I watch on powerlessly as my government willfully subverts the rights of my fellow countrymen.
What follows are neither conservative nor liberal ideals. They are eternal truths embedded into opposing sides of a coin We The People have the power to flip at will.
We are one nation, one people indivisible, bound together by our belief in liberty and justice for all – and nothing more. That’s it. That’s all we have and that’s all we’ve ever needed. We need not agree on anything else. Simply that democracy stands as the highest expression of political equality the world has ever known and it’s our job as Americans to preserve, protect and share or Founding Father’s creation with the world, leaning together with our considerable weight against the injustice of inequality, totalitarianism, fascism, communism and racism – standing strong against every undemocratic principle, deed and law any authoritative force tries to divide us with, because that’s what true patriots do on both the left and the right! Conservatives and Liberals alike.
Stand strong together. Red and Blue. Black and White. Christian and Muslim….
And ask yourself what you stand for and who you stand with?
Bannon Roll On
News Flash: Steve Bannon is Trump’s Chief Strategist & Senior Counsel
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Let Bannon Roll On stand as a barrier between you and humanity, shielding you from the truth of inequality and injustice. You need not apply it liberally, as its strength is powerful enough to erase the shortsighted ideals of America’s Founding Fathers and desecrate the very tenants our nation was founded upon.
One application alone is enough to hide your truest desires and allegiance, acting as the curtain to your personal voting booth from which you can freely pass judgement on the worth of others without fear of transparency or reprisal. Bannon Roll On is the alternative facts of deodorants! One swipe of Bannon Roll On and your innate truth is masked for life.
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Bannon Roll On is the most revolutionary product since the Revolutionary War when noble whites fought noble whites for their inalienable rights! Fuck it. Slather this shit on and you can walk the hallowed, blood stained grounds of Gettysburg without an iota of guilt or shame for standing against the democratic values set forth in the Bill of Rights and Declaration of Independence.
Democracy be damned! Abraham Lincoln smelled like an immigrant. Thomas Jefferson was a liberal pussy. Those powdered wig motherfuckers only wrote those documents out of expediency, to excuse themselves from British tyranny. They didn’t actually believe that stuff. Civil liberties? Freedom of speech, press and religion? Protection of life, liberty and property? It’s all bullshit! Bring back the internment camps!
Bannon Roll On! Raise up your arms against your aggressors without fear of smelling like the hypocritical bigot you know you are! Bannon Roll On! Deny this country was built on the backs of hard working, foul smelling immigrants! Bannon Roll On! Watch on as civil liberties vanish and news agencies become enemy combatants of the state. Bannon Roll On! Sit idly by as people of color are systematically marginalized by new laws and regulations designed to protect the powerful and prosperous. Bannon Roll On! Watch on in silence as your public lands are privatized, sold to the highest bidder and raped by multinational corporations. Bannon Roll On! Stand silent as the government denies science, favoring capitalism over environmentalism. Bannon Roll On! Celebrate the construction of new jails, walls, pipelines and war machines. Bannon Roll On! Torture suspected enemies and fight fire with fire. Bannon Roll On!
Invite your neighbors to join our collective fight. For once we have successfully subverted the system and become the majority we will no longer need to conceal our identity or our true nature and we will be free of Bannon Roll On forever! We shall reek of such arrogance and superiority that the unworthy masses will willfully bow at our feet! Join us today. Bannon Roll On! Intoxicatingly prejudicial. Forcefully coercive. Undeniably nationalistic. Bannon Roll On! Let fear be your guide. Bannon Roll On! Righteous entitlement for the far right! Bannon Roll On! Comply or fry! Bannon Roll On!
Ingredients: Fear, Pride, Anger, Insecurity, Greed, Vengeance, Misery, Shame, Dipropylene Glycol, Water, Propylene Glycol, Sodium Stearate, Fragrance, PPG-3 Myristyl Ether, Tetra Sodium EDTA, Satan Urine #6.
Filled with anxiety and despair? Do you find Bannon Roll On ominously horrifying, objectionable and soulless? Fear not! Together we can give him the Axe. It’s no Secret what this world needs…
Become an aware, balanced, beautiful, charitable and considerate being who defends democratic and egalitarian values confidently, Sure that encouraging empathy and equality is the path to a noble and joyful life. Believe the Right Guard of a true patriot is justice, kindness, humility, optimism and a keen respect for others. Know that Brut force is powerless to the principled and unifying values of goodness, fairness, generosity, forgiveness, tolerance and integrity. Be the thoughtful, patient, respectable, grateful, gracious and virtuous leader you yourself deserve, honoring others and inspiring them to give love, seek joy and encourage peace.
You don’t need a Degree to know the Oldest Spices are the most holistic, healing, liberating, freeing, timeless, truthful and powerful antidotes to injustice. Raise your Arm & Hammer hate with the Speed Stick of hope and a Suave dose of harmony. Even the most loving Dove knows it’s time to fight for a more egalitarian and peaceful world. So go now and flood our cracked, disparate, Arrid Extra Dry land with your best intention. America needs your loyal patriotism now more than ever.
Divided we will fall my friends.
Stand strong together. Red and Blue. Black and White. Christian and Muslim.
One Nation Under God, Indivisible, with Liberty and Justice for All.
Editor’s note: If you, like myself, favor transparency and are concerned with the state affairs in our nation right now, please consider purchasing a subscription to a news organization you trust. They need your support now more than ever to keep We The People informed.
Possible options include, but are not limited to:
The Economist, Wall Street Journal, NPR, Washington Post, New York Times, LA Times, The Atlantic, Time, Newsweek, Bloomberg, The Week, The Nation and Hustler.
Sounds about right to me. I especially like the ingredient “Satan Urine #6”.